omnis cantus concordat
by veritas-always
Summary: latin: omnis cantus concordat; english: all the songs make sense. a series of unrelated one-shots inspired by songs.
1. leave your lover

_This story is marked complete simply because it is a collection of song-inspired one-shots. Any song requests and/or prompts are welcome and will be written when I'm able to get to them. That being said, I appreciate any feedback and really hope you enjoy my story. This first one takes place after Countdown, but not all of the one-shots will be based off of the events of an episode. Thank you for reading!_

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><p><em>"<em>_You'll never know the endless nights,  
><em>_the rhyming of the rain  
><em>_Or how it feels to fall behind  
><em>_and watch you call his name…"_

* * *

><p>Rick shuts the door to his loft and leans heavily against it, the weight of the day resting on his shoulders. He either needs a drink, a hot shower, or sleep. Or maybe all three. He's not sure why he keeps doing this to himself, keeps showing up to the precinct only to watch Kate with another man.<p>

As much as Rick wants to say he doesn't know what Kate sees in Josh, he can't. Doctor Motorcycle Boy was supposed to leave and go save the world, but he came back for her and the sake of their relationship. He's a good, hardworking man, and Rick gets it. Josh and Kate fit. They make sense on paper, whereas Rick is beginning to think he and Kate will never have a chance to prove that they can do it, that they can make sense too.

She said she wants someone to dive into it together. Rick just wants to shake her and tell her to wake up, because he's right here. Waiting for her. Waiting for something he's sure won't happen because she is not a risk taker, not when her heart is involved, and the two of them as a couple, beating the odds, that's a risk.

He trudges to his bedroom and mentally kicks himself for thinking that Kate would have wanted to spend time with him after this case. Not when Josh cancelled his trip for her. He thought maybe she would get it, that after nearly dying together twice in one week, she would understand that he is there for her and she's there for him, just like she told him she wants. But he isn't what she wants.

He's going to have to find a way to be okay with that, or end their partnership to spare himself the heartache. But he's her partner. Partners don't abandon each other. He can't imagine what would happen to her if he didn't have her back. Not to say that she can't protect herself, because she can, everyone knows that, but he likes to think that he's part of the reason some of these cases haven't killed her.

He's just pouring himself a glass of scotch when there's a knock on his door. His mother and Alexis aren't expected to be back until Sunday. His heart leaps, because he can only think of one other person who would show up at his door unexpectedly tonight, but can't bring it in himself to hope too much. He goes to it and takes a breath, calming his nerves before swinging it open. There she is, smiling adorably at him, timid.

"Hey," Kate says softly, "Can I come in?"

"Uh," his brow furrows, because, wow, yeah, she is here, but why? Her eyebrows raise and he remembers that she asked a question. "Yeah, yeah. Of course." He opens the door wider for her, then shuts it. He turns and can't help from blurting out, "Shouldn't you be with Doctor Motorcycle Boy?"

She huffs and frowns at the nickname that he _knows_ she disapproves of, but chooses to ignore it. "Josh is on his way to Haiti."

"Oh," Rick is surprised. "I'm sorry?" It comes out as a question rather than a statement.

"No, you're not," she says, almost smiling, but he notices the undertone of sadness lacing her voice.

He takes a chance then. "No, maybe I'm not. But I am sorry that it's upset you."

She turns and goes to sit on his sofa. He follows, of course.

"It was mutual, I guess. I'm not the type of woman to hold somebody back from something they clearly want. And we never saw each other anyways, so I couldn't picture our relationship going any further than it had. I don't know why I'm telling you this, I'm sorry," she tells him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, avoiding his eyes.

"You can tell me anything, Kate," he says. Her name catches her attention and she smiles gratefully at him.

"So," she changes the topic, "What were you going to say before Josh showed up earlier at the precinct?"

He grins. "I was going to invite you over for dinner and a movie night to take our minds off of this week."

"Well, I'm here now," she says shyly, and god, Kate Beckett is adorable when she's shy. "Does the offer still stand?"

"Absolutely!" He stands up, his whole heart lighter. She follows him to the kitchen and plants herself on the counter, legs swinging back and forth. As he gets out the ingredients for spaghetti, he notices that she changed her clothes before coming over. Leggings and a loose NYPD sweatshirt. The whole scene is so domestic he has to find ways to distract himself or he might do something incredibly stupid, like pull her into his arms and never, ever let her go again.

"Hey, Castle?"

"Mhm?" he replies, stirring the pasta into the water.

"I never really said thank you for everything this week. I just hope you know how grateful I am that you had my back. I don't think I would even-"

"Kate," he cuts her off, making eye contact with her, trying to convey everything he feels into one word. "Always."

She nods, breaks eye contact. He sighs and turns back to their food.

"Do you need help with anything?" she asks after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"You can pick a bottle of wine if you'd like," he replies, pointing at the wine cooler. She slides off the counter and leans down to examine his wine collection, picking one she knows he likes. She sets it on the counter and goes for two wine glasses.

He tries to ignore the fact that she knows where they're at, but he _can't _ignore the bottle she chose. "2000 Châteauneuf-du-Pape? Why, detective, I do believe this is the same wine I brought you during the Scott Dunn case."

"How perceptive of you," she teases, popping the cork. She sets the wine glasses on the table just as he's serving the pasta, so she grabs silverware while he takes their plates to the table. "Thank you for dinner," she says softly, her hand resting on his forearm.

"I'm glad you came over," he tells her honestly. "I didn't want to be alone after this case," he adds after a moment.

"Me either," she replies understandingly. "I don't what you to think that I only came because you're a second option to me. Josh and I- we started arguing because I asked him to leave so I could come over. I didn't tell him that, but… he knew."

"You were going to come over even if you two hadn't broken up?"

She nods and says, "I knew that Martha and Alexis were still in the Hamptons and I know what you're feeling after this week. I just- I felt bad knowing you were coming home to an empty loft. You saved a lot of people today, Rick, and I wouldn't have wanted to be standing next to that bomb with anybody else. You…" Kate trails off, doesn't finish her thought.

"What is it?" he pries cautiously, though he's still reeling from everything she's just told him. She hasn't been this openly honest with him since, well, ever.

"Even when we were freezing to death and were two seconds away from being blown to dust, I still felt safe. With you." She gives him a watery smile, and that does it for him.

He stands up and pulls her out of her chair into his embrace, holding her tight. Her arms wrap around his torso without hesitation. The last few ounces of tension that the week has put on their emotions and bodies falls away. God, he loves her.

She steps away from him, looks like a deer in headlights.

Did he say that out loud?

Shit.

"Kate-"

"You do?" she asks quietly. He's not sure if it's a panicked quiet or a content quiet, but he's hoping that he didn't just ruin everything they built tonight. But she heard him, so there's no use in denying it now.

"Yes," he tells her. "So much."

He isn't sure what he was expecting her to do. Tell him he's crazy and he's only saying it because of their two near-death experiences this week, walk out and leave him forever, he doesn't know. But kissing him like she is now is certainly not the way he thought she would react. She pulls away, tears in her eyes and a little breathless, smile wider than he's ever seen. He grins, because Kate Beckett just _kissed _him when he told her he loves her.

"I love you, too," she says, and he can't help himself. He hoists her up and spins her in the air in a tight bear hug, her laugh echoing off the walls. He sets her down and she kisses him again, softer, and takes his hand in hers. She leads them towards his bedroom, their dinner abandoned.

"Kate," he stops her. "We don't have to."

"I know," she says on a smile, yanks him in the direction of his bedroom again.

He thanks God that his mother and Alexis are out of the city for the weekend before shutting his door behind them with her body.

* * *

><p><em>"<em>_Pack up and leave everything  
><em>_Don't you see what I can bring?  
><em>_Can't keep this beating heart at bay  
><em>_Set my midnight sorrow free,  
><em>_I will give you all of me  
><em>_Just leave your lover,  
><em>_leave him for me."_

_Sam Smith / Leave Your Lover_


	2. hell of a woman

_I'm going out of town for the weekend, so I wanted to get this up. It's aimless fluff, something a bit lighter after the last chapter. Reviews are incredibly appreciated. :)_

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><p>"<em>Everybody looks whenever we go out,<br>__because she__'__s too damn pretty to be out of the house__…"_

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><p>Kate comes up behind Rick, running her fingernails up and down his back softly. He sucks in a breath, turns away from the mirror he's standing at to grab her hands. She smirks at him, eyes dancing. He's trying to pick out his outfit for their date tonight, which is more than a date, because it's their one-year wedding anniversary. He feels as if he's living a dream, because who would have ever guessed they would make it this far? There have been a few bumps in the road, mostly stupid little fights that they laugh at a week later, but other than that it's been an easy ride. He's pretty sure he falls more in love with his wife every single day, and he's certain she would say the same about him.<p>

"What's wrong?" she asks, poking his bottom lip that's hanging out in a pout.

"I don't know what to wear."

She can't help but laugh at him, because he is such a _girl _sometimes, but that just makes him pout even more.

"Kaaaate," he whines, "This is serious!"

She raises up on her tip-toes to give him a soft kiss and says, "I know it is. Let me get ready, and then maybe you'll know what to wear, hm?"

He smiles and kisses her, then gently pushes her in the direction of the bathroom. "Car's picking us up in two hours."

He leaves the bedroom to allow his wife to get ready without his staring, although he knows she doesn't really mind.

* * *

><p>Kate finishes her hair and makeup, standing back to appreciate her work. Her smokey eye always makes Rick a little flustered. She loosely curled and pinned her hair to the side, so it's draping over her shoulder in pretty waves. She's let it grow out, so even when it's curled, it still falls below her breasts. She pads into her closet and unzips the garment bag the dress she bought a week ago hangs in. She knows Rick has been dying to see it ever since she came home with it, but wanted to surprise him. She slips it on and zips it up like a pro, facing the body-length mirror and smiles. The dress is a light ivory color and hugs her curves in all the right places, a deep V showing just enough cleavage to make the mind wander, but is still extremely elegant and classy. Satisfied, she goes to find her husband.<p>

Rick hears Kate's footsteps coming towards his office and he looks up from his laptop, breath catching in his throat.

He stands and says, "Kate, you look…" She smiles bashfully as his eyes roam over her body, taking everything in. Her collarbones jut out against the soft fabric of the dress, her sun-kissed skin simply glowing. "Radiant," he finishes, "You look radiant. Wow. I love you."

She lets out a breathy laugh, replying, "I love you, too. How about we figure out what you're going to wear, yeah?"

He kisses her forehead as he passes her to go to his closet. He think he knows exactly what to wear now. He pulls on a pair of black dress pants, pressed to perfection, and pulls his favorite maroon Armani dress shirt from the hanger, buttoning it up. He grabs the jacket to match his pants and a couple of ties that match the color of Kate's dress. He strolls into their bedroom and she eyes him appreciatively from her spot at the end of their bed.

Rick hands her the ties. "You pick."

She pulls him to the mirror, standing behind him and holding each tie up against his shirt. "This one," she says, giving him the tie with small gold stripes running along the white fabric.

She disappears into her closet and grabs the heels she planned to wear with her dress, the gold shoes complimenting Rick's tie impeccably. When she returns, he's got the tie and jacket on, waiting for her. She takes his hand, kissing his cheek softly, and it hits both of them just how truly in love they really are.

* * *

><p>They're waiting outside in the warm summer air already when the car arrives. Rick opens the door for Kate, letting her in first. Ever the gentleman. The town car takes off towards the Upper East Side. Rick chose where they would be eating at and picked a beautiful French restaurant on 65th. He's heard nothing but good things about this place, so he has been wanting to take Kate there for a while.<p>

Traffic is heavy at this time of night, so Rick decides now is a better time than ever to give Kate her anniversary present. He pulls it out of his jacket pocket, handing the neatly wrapped little box to her.

"What's this?" she asks, brow furrowing in confusion.

"Your present," he states simply, a smile on his face.

"We weren't doing presents," she says, eyes wide, looking a little guilty.

"I know we weren't. But you know I like to spoil you when I can. Just open it," he insists giddily.

She gives him a little eye roll, all for show of course, and slowly unwraps the gift. She sees the blue box and can't help but smile. She's a sucker for Tiffany. Kate opens the box slowly, mouth dropping open. It's a rose gold diamond-lined bracelet and it's absolutely beautiful.

"Do you like it?" he asks softly.

"Oh my God, Rick," she breathes. "I don't even know what to say. I love it. It's gorgeous. I love you," she tells him, reaches for him, pulling him into a tight hug. "Will you put it on for me?"

He nods, taking the bracelet out of the box and wrapping it around her wrist. He clasps it, then brings her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

"Perfect," he tells her, making her blush.

The car pulls to a stop not too long after and the driver gets out, opening the door for them. Rick climbs out, holding his hand out for Kate.

"Enjoy your dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Castle," the driver tells them with a nod of his head and a soft smile.

"Thank you," Rick grins proudly back to the older man, taking Kate's hand. They enter the restaurant and he catches his wife's eyes wandering, a little bit awestruck, as they're led to a booth in the back of the private dining section of the restaurant. She's oblivious to the heads that turn and stare at her as they walk by and his chest puffs out in pride. She's enchanting.

They take their seats and Kate rests her hand on his arm. "This place is beautiful," she says quietly. And it is, with its pillars and chandeliers, but the dimmed lights and cozy colors make it an inviting atmosphere.

"I'm glad you like it," he tells her. Their waiter comes and Rick orders the chef's special for them. Kate lets him, knows he likes when he gets to be chivalrous, and watches her husband interact with others, notices how his hand never leaves hers. The waiter leaves with their order and Rick chuckles, staring at Kate.

"What?" she asks.

"He could barely keep his eyes off of you," Rick tells her.

"I didn't notice," she says honestly.

"I know," he tells her softly, "Just like you didn't notice all the men staring at you as we passed their tables."

She glances at tables around them, makes eye contact with a few of the men sitting at them. "Oh," she squeezes his hand, blushing, a small smile gracing her features. "Guess I only have eyes for you."

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><p>Later they're laying in bed in a tangle of limbs, sweaty and sated. Kate grabs Rick's hand, squeezing it.<p>

"I was going to wait until after I went to the doctor to tell you," she starts, "But I want you to go with me, and since I didn't get you an actual present-"

"You're pregnant," Rick interrupts her rambling, smiling so wide she thinks his face might split in half.

"I- yeah, I mean, I think so. How did you know?" she asks.

"Well, when you turned down a glass of wine at dinner, that tipped me off," he laughs a little, "But you just… you're glowing."

She kisses him sweetly. "If you knew, why didn't you say anything at dinner?" she asks, because her five-year-old husband is one of the most curious people she's ever known in her entire life.

"I figured you wanted to tell me yourself. I would love to go to the appointment with you," he says, running his fingers through her curls. "I'm so incredibly happy with my life, Katherine Castle. All thanks to you."

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><p>"<em>She<em>_'__s mine, all mine, and everything I need  
><em>'_Cause she__'__s a hell of a woman  
><em>_and she knows how to get to me.__"  
><em>_Nick Santino / Hell Of A Woman_


	3. honey, i'm good

_Unfortunately, I haven't had much time to write. College is kind of taking over my life, especially mid-semester. However, I had free time and also got new music which gave me some inspiration. This piece is set somewhere in season 5. This chapter and the next are combined. This is the first half. So be expecting the next half up within a couple of days! Thank you for reading. :)_

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><p>"<em>Now better men than me have failed<br>__drinking from that unholy grail  
><em>_I__'__ve got her, and she__'__s got me  
><em>_And you__'__ve got that ass, but I kindly gotta be like  
><em>_oh baby, no baby, you got me all wrong, baby  
><em>_My baby__'__s already got all of my love__…"_

* * *

><p>"Hey, babe," Kate's voice fills the speaker of his phone, swirling around him and bringing him home. "I miss you," she says.<p>

Rick's been gone for two weeks on his book tour and still has two weeks left until he goes back to New York. They haven't spent an entire month apart since the summer when Kate was up at her father's cabin after her shooting. It's killing him to not wake up to her everyday. They try to talk as often as they can, but some days their schedules conflict too much to even talk at all.

"I miss you, too," Rick says, smiling softly like an idiot in the mirror as he tries to pick out a tie to wear to another launch party he has tonight.

"How's the tour?"

"It would be so much better if you were here," he says. He hears her laugh quietly. "Where are you?" he wonders aloud.

"Work," she says guiltily. "Don't feel like going home to an empty bed quite yet."

He grins widely, sure that she can hear his smile through the phone when he says, "I never thought there would come a day where Kate Beckett would me so much."

"Don't ruin it," she says flatly, but he can hear the laughter in her voice. "Two more weeks," she says, almost to reassure herself more than him that they can make it that long.

"Two more weeks," he echoes, then sighs. "Listen, Kate, I hate to do this but I gotta go. There's another launch party tonight. Paula will be here in like," he checks his watch, "seven minutes and I'm not even dressed yet.

"Okay," she says sadly, and he feels bad because his schedule is the reason they've talked so little the past couple weeks. "Call me when you can, alright?"

"Always," he tells her. "Love you."

"I love you, too," she says, and he ends the call.

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><p>Three hours later, Rick is flitting around the room, socializing as much as possible. The party's not as bad as he thought it would be, although that could be because of the alcohol running through his system. Whatever it takes to get through these things, he tells himself. He's standing with a group of people and they all laugh at the story being told, but Rick's laughter falters when he feels a small hand that feels too much like Kate's slide around his waist. Hope flutters in his chest.<p>

He spins, eyes bright, a smile on his face, hands finding her shoulders, only it's not Kate. His face falls, as do his hands, and the pretty brunette woman almost looks offended.

"Hi?" he greets, more of a question than a statement.

"Hi," the woman says confidently, hand still on his waist. "I'm Alison," she tells him, eyes sparkling.

He gets it now, knows what she wants from him. He doesn't know what to do, because he and Kate are trying to keep their relationship out of the public eye, one of the many reasons that she won't go to any of the events this tour requires of him, so he can't just blurt out that he's in a relationship, not when this woman - Alison? - can walk right up to any of the reporters covering the party tonight and give them exclusive insight to his life.

"Would you like another drink?" Alison asks, pointing at his almost empty glass.

"Oh, no, I'm good. Thank you though," he smiles at her politely.

"Okay," she says, smiling at him, eyes slowly roving over his body and he tries to school his features to look as calm as possible, but _shit_, he doesn't know how to escape this situation without coming off as a total jerk at his own party. "So," her voice snaps him out of his panicked state, "I'm curious. What's a guy like you doing showing up to his own party without a date? I'm sure there are many women who are interested." Her eyebrow quirks up sexily, too much like Kate's, and he stumbles over his words, because of the alcohol in his system or because this woman who looks like his girlfriend is coming onto him using all of Kate's tricks, he's not sure.

"I, uh- I'm just not interested in bringing a woman who I'm not serious about. That's just not me." He hopes that will make her understand that he's not looking for a one night stand. Or anybody.

"Well it certainly used to be," she tells him, smirking, "What changed?"

"A lot did," he says. Like meeting Kate, finding someone who intrigued him with her words and her story and her layers, knowing what it's really like to love someone in a capacity that he never knew he was capable of. But he can't tell Alison that. As far as the world's concerned, he _is_ single.

"Hmmm," Alison hums. Her other hand lands on the back of his neck, fingers combing through the soft hair there, and his eyes fall shut, jaw clenched. Kate does that, drags her nails through the hair that meets the skin on his neck as she presses her body to his and kisses him soundly, much like Alison is doing now.

His eyes fly open. He pushes her away, mouths separating with a pop.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he apologizes, unsure of why, because he's really _not_ sorry. "I can't- I just can't," he says. He brushes past her, looking for his publicist. He needs to leave, to get away from the cameras and the alcohol and the woman who looks and acts just like his girlfriend who he hasn't touched in two weeks, won't see her for two more. Paula meets his eyes from across the room and she excuses herself from the conversation she was having.

"What is it, Rick?"

"I need to leave," he nearly begs her.

"You _do _realize this is your party, right? You've been here for barely three hours. What the hell?"

"Paula, I'm really not negotiating it. I need to leave."

She must see something in the look on his face because she sighs in defeat. "Just make your rounds one last time, make sure you've talked to all the guests, and then you can leave."

He nods. He can do that.

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><p>Rick climbs into bed two hours later after a long hot shower to attempt clear his mind and stares at the ceiling. What the hell is he going to say to Kate? Does he tell her that another woman kissed him? Does he hide it?<p>

They said no more secrets in their relationship no matter what, but this is going to hurt Kate. He doesn't want that. He doesn't even have an excuse besides the fact that Alison looked and acted so much like her, on top of the alcohol buzzing through his system, that she just got to him. It's a lame excuse, nowhere near good enough, but it's the truth.

Kate deserves the truth.

He sighs, running a hand over his face. His heart is in his throat, eyes watering. He'll tell Kate when he gets home in two weeks. He hopes that maybe if she sees his face, sees how much this tore him up, understands how sorry he is, she won't take it so hard. He didn't _sleep _with Alison. It was just a kiss. A meaningless one at that. Kate will understand. After all, he's coming home to her. Always to her.

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><p>"<em>No, honey, I<em>_'__m good  
><em>_I could have another but I probably shouldn__'__t  
><em>_I__'__ve got to bid you adieu,  
><em>_and to another I will stay true.__"  
><em>_Andy Grammer / Honey, I__'__m Good._

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><p><em>Reviews absolutely mean the world to me. Not only do they make me feel like people are interested in what I have to put out there, but they make me want to be a better writer for all of you. I appreciate them so, so much.<em>


	4. 747

_I have two thanks to give. First to the guest reviewer for both your kind words and song suggestions. I can't wait to write to them! Secondly to whoever sent my story to the castlefanfics tumblr: I love you, I love you, I love you. Had a total fangirl moment when I was scrolling through that account and saw my story had been requested to all of her followers. Thank you so much. _

_Anyways, here's the second half of the two-parter. Enjoy. :)_

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><p><em>"<em>_I could use a drink right now  
><em>_I've got my head in the clouds, thinking about  
><em>_the second that the wheels touch down  
><em>_and my feet hit the ground, I'll run to your house  
><em>_Knock on the door and kiss you right on the mouth…"_

* * *

><p>It's Rick's day off of the tour and after the party last night, he feels like he deserves to sleep in, so when his phone rings and wakes him at 9:30 in the morning he groans loudly in annoyance. It's too early still. He's exhausted, physically and emotionally. He sees Paula's name on his phone and groans again.<p>

"Paula," he answers the call, "I get a break today," he reminds her.

She ignores him and asks instead, "Did you seriously leave the party last night for _sex_, Ricky?"

He shoots up in bed and he feels like he's going to vomit. "What are you talking about?"

"Well there's more than a few gossip magazines and blogs that have photos of you and a pretty girl lip-locking with the knowledge that you left early, so… I'm assuming they're correct? She's cute, different than the blondes you used to fawn over, so-"

"No, no, no. Oh my god, no. Paula, you need to fix this," he interrupts her, nearly falling out of bed. He puts his phone on speaker, goes to his suitcase to find clothes.

"Fix what?" she asks. "People have wondered why you haven't been with any women lately. And by lately, I mean months, Rick. The only woman you're ever with is your detective when you're solving cases."

"I'm with Kate!" he exclaims. "That's why I haven't been with anybody else, I'm dating Kate!"

"I'm your publicist, so don't you think it would have been wise to let me know you're in a relationship so I could make an announcement?"

"We don't want it announced," he says, clearly irritated.

"Yeah, well, I could have helped keep it a secret, too. Don't get snappy with me. I'm still not sure why you were kissing someone else if you're in a relationship anyways."

"She kissed me, I pushed her away, and that's why I wanted to leave. Paula," he growls out, irritated that she's talking to him like he's a child. "Please help me."

"Okay, okay. I'll work on it. In the meantime, you might want to call your girlfriend and hope she hasn't walked past a newsstand today."

"Thanks," Rick tells her flatly, hanging up his phone. Not two minutes after he's off the phone with his publicist, his phone rings again. His mother's face flashes up at him and his eyes slam shut. If she knows, Kate knows. He's not sure if Kate's silence is a good thing or not.

"Castle," he answers.

"Richard." Just by the tone of Martha's voice, he knows she has indeed seen the articles. He sighs. "Please tell me you have a damn good explanation," she scolds him like she used to when he was a teenager and got into trouble.

"Mother, I didn't leave the party to sleep with that woman. I wouldn't do that to Kate."

"Well, Katherine doesn't seem so certain of that."

"She knows?" Rick asks, doesn't care that he sounds like a scared little boy.

"She sure does."

"How did she find out?"

"She was reading the paper earlier. There was an article there. She hasn't called you?"

"No," he says softly. "What did she say?"

"I was making coffee, looked over and saw the look on her face and asked her what was wrong. The poor girl was devastated. She handed me the paper and left. I thought she would have at least called you by now, but-"

"I'm coming home," Rick interrupts her.

"I think that's probably a smart idea, kiddo."

"I'll be back in the city as soon as I can," he says before hanging up. He texts Paula, letting her know that he's going home and to postpone the remaining two weeks of the tour and pulls out his laptop to book a flight.

* * *

><p>Almost six hours later Rick walks through the door of Kate's apartment building. He went to the loft to drop off his bags, part of him hoping she would be there. But of course not. She hasn't called him once, hasn't texted him. She thinks he cheated on her, so of course she wouldn't hang out at his home. He reaches her door and knocks, tries to conjure up some sort of explanation, but when she swings the door open it all escapes him.<p>

He pulls her to him, gently grabbing her face and kissing her on the mouth.

She pushes him away and Rick feels his heart shatter. Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears and _he _did that to her. How is he supposed to fix this?

"Kate," he says her name around the lump in his throat. She hasn't looked at him like this, like she doesn't trust him, can't stand to be near him, since the first year they worked together when he dug into her mother's case. Only this time it hurts him more, because he _loves _her. He'll never forgive himself if he ruined this. The best thing that's ever happened to him. "Please listen to me. Please."

She steps aside and lets him into her home, shutting the door and leaning against it. She still hasn't spoken to him and it scares him. He would rather her scream and yell and fight with him than stand there with that resigned look on her face like she's already made up her mind about their fate.

"I love you," he says. Her eyes slip shut and she lowers her head. He takes a slow step closer, just needs to be near her. "All of those articles are wrong. Paula has been working all day to set them straight. I would never, ever cheat on you. You mean the world to me, Kate. I wouldn't throw this away like that."

"Was the picture wrong, too? Did you _not_ kiss someone else?" she asks, raising her head and crossing her arms.

He sighs, has to be brutally honest with her now. "No."

"And leaving the party early, were the articles wrong about that?"

Rick shakes his head no, running his fingers through his hair. "She kissed me, not the other way around. At first I thought she was you, when she put her hand on my waist. And she acted like you, and then she kissed me… but I pushed her away, Kate. I did. I left the party to get away from her and everything else. I was going to tell you when I got home. I wasn't going to hide it from you."

"Well, you hid from me all day, didn't you?" she accuses.

"I didn't want to discuss it on the phone. I came home two weeks early to talk about it with you in person. I'm so sorry."

"Sorry doesn't fix everything," she tells him.

He opens and closes his mouth, doesn't really know what to say to that, because she's right. He can apologize hundreds of times, but that won't take away the betrayal she must be feeling, won't make her forget the photo of he and Alison.

"I know you're mad at me," he says softly. "You have every right to be. I had too much to drink, and she just came up and made a move, caught me off guard, and I'm _so _sorry that you found out the way you did. I swear to you, Kate, I was going to tell you when I got back from the tour. I wasn't hiding anything from you, the press just made up their own version of the story before I could tell you my version. Don't you trust me?"

She sighs, runs her hands through her already tousled hair, and he knows she's been doing that all day. "I do trust you, Rick," she says quietly. "It's just hard being here alone while you're gone for a whole month at parties all across the country where countless numbers of adoring fans want you to sign their chests, or _more_."

"You know I would rather be here with you," he tells her. Her eyes meet his and he sees the tears in them. "Kate, you know that, right? I _have _to go out and promote the book as part of my contract. But I would rather be here in New York waking up to you, catching killers, and going home with you. The parties, the fans, none of that compares."

"Are you leaving again? To finish the tour?"

"I have to," he says apologetically.

"Can I come?" she asks, looking at him with hopeful eyes.

"You want to? What about the press? I thought you wanted to keep this between us."

"Rick, I would rather go with you and let the world you're mine than keep this between us and worry about other women trying to seduce you."

For the first time all day, he smiles. He goes to her, pulling her into a tight hug. He kisses the top of her head, letting out a sigh of relief. "Of course you can come," he tells her. "I wanted you to come when I left the first time."

She pulls back and smiles softly, eyes still glistening with unshed tears. Rick kisses her softly. "I love you so much," he whispers against her mouth. "Thank you."

"For what?" she asks.

"For trusting me enough to listen to my side of the story. For not breaking up with me."

"It'll take a lot more than gossip articles to drive me away," she says with a toothy grin on her face. He kisses the tip of her nose, pulling her in for a another hug, can't get enough of Kate Beckett. God, he loves this woman.

* * *

><p><em>"<em>_This 747 can't go fast enough, fast enough  
><em>_Every minute is wasting time  
><em>_She gets a little bit closer to saying goodbye."  
><em>_Lady Antebellum / 747_

* * *

><p><em>I highly encourage everybody to check out the songs I use for these ficlets. They're all my favorites and so good. Thanks for reading! I hope to update as soon as I can!<em>


	5. you're the reason i come home

_Here's a little story written to one __of the songs a guest reviewer kindly left for me. Enjoy. :)_

* * *

><p><em>"<em>_Hands in the fallen snow  
><em>_Numb to the winter cold  
><em>_But we don't mind  
><em>_'__cause we'll get warm inside…"_

* * *

><p>Kate feels the impact of the bullet hit her square in the chest and she falls backwards into the snow with the sheer force of it. She feels in a daze for a moment, registers Esposito and Ryan both shouting around her, hears more shots being fired.<p>

She's okay though. The bullet is lodged in her vest, not her chest, so it's not like last time she was shot. She stays in the snow, because she can't really move, not with the pain radiating across her bones from the impact of the bullet, and it's probably safe down here in a two foot pile of snow. It melts through her clothes and skin, chilling her to the bone.

It's quiet now, except for the crunch of footsteps as they near her. She opens her eyes and finds Esposito standing over her, clearly shaken from watching her get shot. Again.

"I'm okay," she tells him. She tries to sit up but flinches and stops her movements, positive that her chest is already bruised. "The vest," she says, finding it hard to breathe through the bruising, "The vest saved me."

Esposito leans down and gently helps her to her feet. "Ryan took our perp to the cruiser and called Castle," he informs her.

She nods, knows her husband is going to somehow find a way to blame this on himself because he wasn't her backup today, had to stay home and catch up on his writing.

"There's an ambulance on the way," Ryan says as he stomps through the snow towards them. "You should probably get checked out, maybe get a prescription for the pain."

"Okay," she accepts. Not because she wants to stay here in her soaking wet, freezing clothes instead of going straight home with Rick when he gets here, but because her chest hurts like hell and he won't take her home until he knows she's really okay.

"I called Gates, too. She's on her way. She wants to debrief, said something about giving you time off until the bruising heals."

"Good. Thanks, Ryan," Kate says, giving him a soft smile.

He nods, then asks, "You're okay?"

"Yeah," she says on a breath. "Hurts like hell, probably already pretty bruised. But I'm good."

Ryan opens his mouth to reply but the ambulance pulls up beside his cruiser, the flashing red and blue lights a stark contrast against the dark sky and shadows of the buildings. They make their way towards the ambulance.

* * *

><p>She's okay, just a lot of dark bruising and even more pain to suit it. She's prescribed strong painkillers. No broken ribs, nothing too serious. Could have been worse if the shooter was closer, but she's alright. Gates climbs into the ambulance, sitting on the bench beside the gurney where Kate is resting.<p>

"How are you, Detective?"

"I'm okay. Bruised, but I'll be fine."

"Take a week off, let it heal. If you still feel any discomfort after a week you'll be on desk duty until you're okay to be in the field."

"Yes, sir," Kate obliges.

They both jump when Rick jumps into the ambulance, eyes wide and breathing frantic.

"Hey," Kate says with a smile, scooting over to make room for her husband beside her.

"Are you okay?" he asks softly, eyes scanning her body as he sits down next to her. She takes his hand in hers.

"Yeah, Castle. I'm alright."

"Ryan said your suspect shot you?"

She nods, squeezing his hand. "The vest caught the bullet. Just bruising. They gave me medication for the pain."

He visibly relaxes and kisses her forehead, aware of the Captain watching them.

"Mr. Castle, why don't you take her home? She has time off," Gates tells him, almost showing sympathy towards Rick. He stands, as do both women.

He shakes Gates's hand, "Thank you, sir."

"Not a problem. Take care of my best detective," she commands lightly.

"No worries about that," Kate tells her Captain as Rick helps her down from the back of the ambulance.

They tell their team goodbye, then she gives Rick the keys and lets him drive her cruiser home. He doesn't get excited like he usually does when she lets him drive and she wishes she could make this easier, wishes he didn't know what it's like to watch her get shot in the chest and die in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, hates that he's traumatized by that day even years later.

* * *

><p>They walk through the door of the loft and it's warm, both literally and figuratively. The Christmas tree and all the other decorative lights are the only things brightening the dark space, bathing it in a soft golden glow. She shivers off the cold in her bones, allows the heat to wash over her body. Rick unbuttons her coat for her, gently slipping it off her shoulders.<p>

"Are you okay?" she asks him softly as he removes his own coat. He nods, but she knows he's lying. She lets him avoid giving her a real answer for now, instead follows him to the kitchen.

"Hot chocolate?" he asks, getting the ingredients out without an answer. She sits at the breakfast bar and watches him. He doesn't turn on the overhead kitchen light, chooses to work in the glow of the Christmas lights, must need the warmth they illuminate throughout their home to forget the darkness that always follows them around with her work.

His hair is flopping down over his forehead messily and his face is solemn, the shadows making him look tired, _too _tired. He puts milk in a kettle on the stove, lets it warm up while he gets out two mugs and marshmallows. He dumps cocoa powder into the mugs, a little too much, but she chooses not to tease him about how chocolaty he likes his drink tonight.

Kate stands up and goes to him, doesn't like how he distances himself from her when he _needs _her, but can't be too upset with him because they both do it from time to time. His hands are bracing the counter so tightly his knuckles are white, so she ducks under his elbow into the cage of his arms. His eyes are closed, head hanging down facing the floor. She wraps her arms around his body in a hug, ear resting against his chest, listening to the _thump thump thump _of his heart. It takes a moment but his arms wrap around her torso, not too tight, and she feels him bury his face in her hair, breath warm against her neck.

"I love you," she whispers.

"You were shot," he tells her, pain lacing his voice as if he was the one who took the bullet.

"I know."

"You could have been killed."

"I know," she repeats. "But I wasn't. I'm safe and I'm here with you. I'm okay."

"You're bruised."

"Nothing that won't heal," she reminds him gently.

"God, Kate," he whispers. The kettle whistles and he lets go of her, tending to their hot chocolate. She sees tear tracks on his face and wishes life was simple enough to just kiss away his pain.

He hands her a mug filled to the brim with marshmallows and she smiles, taking his hand and pulling him to their bedroom. They sit on top of the comforter, backs against the headboard, and sip their hot chocolate silently.

"I should have been there," Rick tells her, breaking the silence.

Kate sets her half-empty mug on the nightstand, scooting closer to him, head resting against his shoulder, knees pulled up against his thighs. His free hand comes to wrap around her legs.

"You have a job, too," she tells him.

"I would rather be with you," he says. "Keep you safe."

She looks up at him, wipes at the tears running down his face. "I'm so sorry, Rick," she whispers, "I'm so sorry."

"What if one day you don't?" he asks her, looking at her with wide eyes. He looks like a terrified little boy and her heart physically aches.

"What?"

"What if one day you don't come home?" he repeats. Her eyes fall shut, forehead falling to meet his jaw, because that's a real possibility and they both know it.

"I can't promise that won't happen," she tells him, throat clogging up with tears. She pulls her head back and stares into his eyes. "But I can promise that I will always do everything in my power to make sure that I'll come home to you."

He sighs, presses a kiss to her forehead. "And I promise to do everything I can to protect you," he says. She presses a kiss to his mouth in reply.

"I love you _so _much, Rick. I'm sorry you got that call tonight."

"You're okay. And you're home with me. That's all I care about," he says, guiding their bodies under the comforter, flicking the lamp off, hot chocolate forgotten. She curls up against his body, letting it warm her chilled skin. He kisses her again. "I love you."

They fall asleep curled in a tangled ball of limbs, content with the knowledge that while every single day is unpredictable, coming home to one another at the end of it is what matters most.

* * *

><p><em>"<em>_You're the reason I come home  
><em>_You're the reason I come home, my love  
><em>_You're the reason that when everything I know falls apart  
><em>_You're the reason I come home."  
><em>_Ron Pope / You're The Reason I Come Home_

* * *

><p><em><em>Fun fact about this one-shot: I was reading the lyrics to this song online because I had never heard it before and thought I would end up churning out something happy and fluffy. But then I listened to the song and it's slower and not as cheery as I was expecting (still beautiful though and now in my music library), so this happened instead. But I actually quite like the way this turned out. Let me know if you did too. <em>_


	6. just a little bit of your heart

_I tried writing two other one-shots today. I got about 300 words in and couldn't write anything else. So I started this, and it ended up being almost 3,000 words. The longest chapter of this story so far. Based during the 47 Seconds era. I like it. I like angst. And happy endings._

* * *

><p><em>"<em>_I don't ever tell you how I really feel  
><em>_'__Cause I can't find the words to say what I mean  
><em>_And nothing's ever easy, that's what they say  
><em>_I know I'm not your only  
><em>_But I'll still be a fool  
><em>_'__Cause I'm a fool for you…"_

* * *

><p>Rick drops down into his chair beside Kate's desk but doesn't say anything, barely even pays her a glance. She notices his hair is slightly ruffled and feels her heart sink to her stomach. He was with Jacinda. That's why he's late. And that's why he didn't bring her coffee. Why does he even bother coming at all anymore?<p>

Kate imagines the blonde's fingers running through his hair as she kisses him and the detective feels her face burn with the anger and betrayal she feels, but won't let him see the affect he has on her. Not when he's been acting like such a jackass for the past week. She's _so close _to being ready for him, for them. Even his behavior doesn't make her want him any less and she almost hates it, but she can't. It's a sign that she's better than she used to be, than she was when they first met. Because he always used to act like this, like some womanizer, and she hated him. She doesn't now. Quite the opposite, actually.

She stands up, needs to get away from him and his mussed hair, so she wanders into the break room to get more coffee because he made it clear that he won't be doing that anymore.

"Hey."

She jumps, spins to find Esposito watching her.

"Hey," she echoes.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," she shrugs, "Why wouldn't I be?"

His gaze wanders to Rick sitting in his chair holding his phone in front of his face to use as a mirror as he attempts to smooth down his hair. She follows his eyes, spots her writer - can she really call him _hers _anymore? - and understands.

"Espo, I'm fine."

"You know I'm a detective too, right? You're telling me that him walking in here looking like he just got done with his flight attendant and no coffee - yeah, I noticed that," he says at her raised eyebrow, "You're telling me that doesn't bother you?"

"You sound like Lanie," Kate says, sipping at her coffee and wincing when it burns her tongue.

"Well Lanie's not the only one who can see that you love the guy. You gotta do something, Beckett, or he's going to give up," Esposito tells her before turning and leaving the room.

_Pretty sure he already has, _Kate thinks to herself. She leans against the counter and sips at her coffee. She knows her friends are right. Rick's already done more than any other man ever has for her. He's been patient and sensitive and more forgiving than she could have ever imagined him being, especially after she shut him out of her life for three months. She loves him, but does he even love her anymore?

* * *

><p>The day passes by slowly. Their case is dull. Rick doesn't crack jokes or come up with completely ridiculous theories like he usually does during cases like these to brighten her mood.<p>

At four, he announces that he's leaving.

"Will you be in tomorrow?" Kate asks, tries to refrain from sounding too hopeful, but she's pretty sure she fails.

"Uh- I don't know," he says, slipping on his jacket and avoiding her eyes. She just nods, turns her head back to the murder board. He doesn't say anything else, just makes his way to the elevator with his head buried in his phone.

Kate can't take it anymore. Can't take the silence, the harsh looks, the way his personality is mirroring what it was when she first met him. When she couldn't freaking stand him.

"Castle," she calls. Either he doesn't hear her or he ignores her as he jabs the elevator button. She slides off her desk and goes to him. "Rick."

His eyes find hers as she comes to him, but he keeps them void of emotion.

"Can I come by later?" Kate asks.

"I have a date," he says flatly.

"Rick, _please_." She's begging now, but she doesn't care. She needs him to wait for her. She needs him to understand that she's at the finish line. He has to be there when she crosses it.

"Beckett, I have a date," he says sharply. "I'm not rearranging my plans to fit your schedule anymore."

"Castle." She hates how broken her voice sounds. Why the hell does he hate her all of a sudden? The elevator dings and the doors open, but she grabs his hand before he can step in, clasping it tightly between hers. His eyes flick to hers in surprise and for a brief second she sees her partner again, the one that loves her. "I need to talk to you."

"I can't," he says, yanking his hand out of her hold and stepping into the elevator. She can't help the stray tear that slides down her cheek as the doors close. She catches his eye, holds his gaze until he looks away and the doors separate them. She wipes the tear away furiously. Stupid, stupid man.

A hand on her shoulder makes her jump. Ryan and Esposito are looking at her with understanding written on their faces, and a little bit of sympathy, too.

"Go, Beckett," Esposito says, Ryan nodding beside him.

"Guys, I-"

"Kate," Ryan says, "We're good here. Go."

She looks between the two men, her brothers, and nods silently. She goes to her desk and gathers her things.

* * *

><p>Almost an hour later she's standing in front of Castle's door. She knocks, a little afraid that Jacinda might answer - who knows how cozy she's gotten with Rick? - but when it swings open and reveals a bundle of color that is all Martha, Kate sighs in relief.<p>

"Katherine?" Martha says, clearly a little more than surprised to see her.

"Hi, Martha. Is Castle here?"

The actress's face falls. "No, darling. He's out. You are welcome to wait here for him. Tea? Wine?" Martha asks, already guiding Kate into the loft.

"Tea is fine," Kate says softly, toeing off her shoes and hanging her jacket in the closet. She follows Martha into the kitchen, watches the exuberant woman fix them both a cup of tea. The redhead slides into the barstool next to her, studies the detective.

"If you don't mind me asking, what brings you by?"

"Rick's been acting… just so unlike his usual self," Kate says, staring into her mug.

"Have you asked why?"

Kate lifts her head up and stares at Martha, realizes that his mother knows what's wrong with her partner. She shakes her head slowly. "No," she says softly. "I don't have a clue what I did to make him hate me so much."

"Oh, Katherine, hate is the furthest thing my son feels for you."

"I know," she admits quietly. "Which is why I'm so confused."

"Has it ever crossed your mind that he might know that, too?" Martha prompts.

"What?" Kate's eyes widen with realization. The bombing case. The interrogation. _I was shot in the chest and I remember every second of it. _The coffee he left on her desk. Oh, Castle. "He knows… oh my god, he knows that I remember?" The older woman doesn't say anything, just gives her a sympathetic look. Kate sets her tea on the counter, feels like she's going to cry or throw up… or both. She buries her face in her hands. "I didn't mean for this to happen," she whispers.

"I'm sure you didn't, kiddo," Martha says, placing her own mug on the counter, rubbing a hand up and down Kate's back.

"I never meant to hurt him. I just- he deserves better than what I was in the fall. I've been going to therapy to get better, Martha. Better for him," Kate says, eyes filling up with tears. "I love him, too."

"You've got to tell him that, dear. He thinks you don't."

Kate feels a few tears slip down her cheeks but she doesn't care. Martha pulls her into a motherly hug and she feels so grateful for this woman who doesn't judge her, doesn't hate her for lying and hurting her son so badly. Kate pulls back first, wiping at her eyes, freezes when she hears the front door open and shut.

"Hello, Mother," Rick says, stopping in his tracks. He takes in the sight of his mother and partner - is that what they even are? - bonding over tea. "What are you doing here?" he directs the question at Kate.

"I want to talk to you," she tells him, standing up.

"I have nothing to say to you," Rick says harshly, making Kate take a step back, the sting of his words hitting her hard.

"Richard!" Martha admonishes. "I raised you better than that."

"No, no, Martha," Kate says softly, eyes glistening still with tears. "It's fine. I think I'll see myself out."

She walks past Rick, careful to avoid his eyes, doesn't think she can take anymore of his cold stares.

"Beckett," his voice rings out. "Wait."

She turns around and sees Martha walking upstairs, giving her a wink as she goes. Her heart swells at how much support she has from his mother. She looks at Rick, notices him watching her.

"What?" she asks quietly.

"You want to talk," he says, motioning for her to follow him to the privacy of his office. She shuts the door and leans against it while he perches himself on the edge of his desk, staring at her. "Let's talk."

"I know that you know," she tells him.

"Know what?"

"That I heard you."

"Heard me when?"

She closes her eyes and lowers her head in shame. His tone is sharp. He's not making this easy on her and it _hurts_. Hurts like hell. "I heard you when I was shot. When you told me you love me."

"And?" he asks.

"Did you mean it?" she replies, gaze snapping back to his.

He laughs but it's void of any humor. "Did I mean it? Are you joking, Beckett? Do you think I stuck around and waited all this time for the hell of it? I didn't stick around for Ryan and Esposito. You know damn well that I meant it."

She probably shouldn't, but she lashes back anyways. "I'm sorry, I couldn't tell since you've been parading around the precinct looking like you just rolled out of bed with another woman."

"What do you want me to do? Keep my hopes up waiting for something that's never going to happen? I'm done, Kate. I'm done with you, our partnership, and our friendship. No need to stand here and tell me something I don't already know."

"Rick," she says, shaking her head, stepping towards him. He holds a hand out to stop her. "You've got it all wrong. I love you."

"Kate, I'm sick of the lies. Stop."

She ignores his hand that he's still holding out to keep her away from him and pulls his face down so their foreheads touch, doesn't speak until he opens his eyes back up to look at her. Somewhere beneath the anger and the pain she sees her partner.

"I am in love with you, Richard Castle," she whispers. He grabs her wrists and pushes her away from him. Her lip quivers and she realizes that she may not be able to fix them.

"Why did you lie?" he asks. His voice sounds broken, but it's better than what he's thrown at her for a week.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," she tells him honestly, feels a stray tear fall and would wipe it away if it weren't for his hands that are holding her wrists hostage. His eyes follow the tear before flicking back to hers. "I wanted to get better. To heal. I've been going to therapy so I can be more for you. I've come to terms with the fact that I don't have to solve my mom's case to knock that wall down. You waiting for me and being here for me is what knocked the wall down, Rick."

"Kate, if you would have told me to give you time-"

"That's what I was trying to tell you on the swings," she interrupts. "I thought you understood."

"I thought I did too. But then I found out that you've been lying to me this whole time."

He drops her wrists and takes a step back. He doesn't look so angry anymore, just hurt.

"It wasn't because I don't love you," she tells him, "It was because I _do_. I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say, Rick. I love you more than anybody else and you're the only person to ever stick around long enough to break down my wall. And I hate that I hurt you so bad. This whole thing has made me realize that I really don't deserve you, and I understand if you're done. But you _have _to know how I feel about you."

She takes a step back, waits for him to say something. His head is hanging as he stares at the ground and it hits her that he really is done with her. With them. With everything they could have been. She feels it like a freight train and can't even be in the same room as him anymore, because the one person she was trying to get better for is the one person she hurt most in the process.

Kate opens the door to his office, can't stop the onslaught of tears. She pulls on her shoes and grabs her jacket, hastily putting it on. Just as she is about to leave his loft, his _life_, Rick grabs her, spinning her body to face him and his mouth lands on hers in a deep kiss. It's bruising and ends all too soon.

Kate slowly opens her eyes, finds him watching her intently, brows furrowed. His hands come up to cradle her face, thumbs brushing at the tear tracks that stain her cheekbones.

"I love you," he whispers. "Stay. I love you."

She's in his arms in an instant, wrapped up in his embrace, a tight bear hug, and she's positive that he's the only thing holding her up right now.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she repeats, a mantra, and he has to kiss her to get her to stop apologizing.

"No more of that," he tells her gently. "I'm sorry, too."

"For what?" she asks, arms still tightly wrapped around his torso, can't let him go.

"I acted on impulse. Went back to my old ways. I shouldn't have assumed the worst, I should have come to you instead. Not somebody else."

"Castle? Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," he tells her.

"You didn't sleep with her, did you?"

The question is barely out of her mouth before he's shaking his head. "No, no, no. Thought about it. Booked a hotel room even. But I couldn't. Not when all I could think about was you."

She sags against him with relief, head landing in the crook of his neck. "I love you," she tells him, breath whispering across his collarbone.

"Do you want to get some dinner?" he asks.

"I thought you just went on a date?" Kate asks, and he hates how tentative she is about it, but remembers how he snapped at her in the precinct. God, he must've easily hurt her almost as much as she hurt him.

"I lied," he tells her. "I went to the Old Haunt to clear my head. I haven't eaten since this morning, and I know you only had a granola bar for lunch."

Her heart warms, because even when he was furious with her he still paid attention to her eating habits. "Okay. But can we just order in?"

"Mhm," he replies. He lets go of her and pulls her to the couch. He plops down, lets her curl up beside him; she fits perfectly against him, like a puzzle piece falling into place. He calls their favorite Chinese place and orders the usual with a little extra for the his mother and daughter. He hangs up, head falling onto Kate's and he sighs. He loves her.

"We're okay, right?" she asks tentatively, raising her head up to look him in the eye. He kisses her nose, cheeks, forehead, and finally her grinning mouth. She loves him.

"We've never been better."

* * *

><p><em>"<em>_Just a little bit of your heart  
><em>_Just a little bit of your heart  
><em>_Just a little bit of your heart is all I want  
><em>_Just a little bit of your heart  
><em>_Just a little bit of your heart  
><em>_Just a little bit is all I'm asking for."  
><em>_Ariana Grande / Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart_


	7. how you get the girl

_Let's say that Rick doesn't propose in Watershed. Pretend he breaks up with Kate like she thought he was going to._

* * *

><p><em>"<em>_Stand there like a ghost shaking from the rain  
><em>_She'll open up the door and say are you insane?  
><em>_Say it's been a long six months  
><em>_And you were too afraid to tell her what you want…"_

* * *

><p>Kate steps out of the shower, shivers a little as the cold November air sweeps into her DC apartment, despite the heat that she finally gave in and turned on a week ago. It's warmer today than it was last week, but it's been drizzling for the past four hours so it feels chillier than it actually is. She slips into a pair of leggings and an old NYPD sweatshirt, ignores the pang of longing that she feels in her chest every time she thinks of her old job, and moves to her kitchen to find food.<p>

She's being doing this for months now. A sad cycle of work and sleep. She eats takeout and leftovers most nights, as she is tonight, only ever finds time to cook a real meal when she's got the day off of work in between cases. It's nearing nine o'clock now and she has the entire weekend off, thank God. She's exhausted.

She hears a knock on the door just as the microwave beeps alerting her that her leftovers are done heating up and frowns. Who would be here at almost nine o'clock on a Thursday night? She sighs and swings her front door open, prepares to tell whomever is on the opposite side to go away.

Her heart stops and she wants to slam the door back shut, but she can't. She's frozen. Because Rick is staring at her and she hasn't seen or spoken to him in six months. Since he left her sitting at their swings holding back tears and questioning everything she thought they had.

"Kate-"

"What are you doing here?" she interrupts. "You're soaked. It's freezing." She feels bad for him (she _loves _him) so she lets him inside, leaves him standing in the entryway so she can get him a towel. She hands it to him, ignores his thanks, and blurts out, "Why are you here?"

His eyes snap to hers guiltily. "I miss you."

She takes a step back, crosses her arms over her chest protectively, because she has missed him every damn day for six months, but he's the one who ended their relationship. He's the one who took the final blow.

"Castle…"

"Kate. I've missed you. I missed you the second I left you that day, I've thought about you everyday since then. I'm so, so sorry. I'm an idiot. All I've wanted to do is tell you what I'm saying right now, but I've been too scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Scared that you moved on. That you hate me. That you wouldn't want to give me, _us_, another shot."

"Castle, I-"

"I _love _you," he interrupts, taking a step forward. She steps back, hips bumping the edge of the counter. "I haven't stopped loving you. Breaking up with you is the single-handedly biggest mistake I've ever made."

"We have a lot to talk about," she tells him, because that's all she can think to say.

"We do. I know. I want to talk."

"We can't just pick up where we left off," Kate says, when in reality all she wants to do is kiss him and make love to him and tell him that he can't ever leave her again.

"I know. I'm here, Kate, and I'm not going anywhere. Not unless you want me to."

He stares at her, eyes both hopeful and terrified, like his happiness is hanging on her answer. Maybe it is. She didn't think he could possibly be as miserable as she is, because he made the decision to break up with her, but he looks like hell. He's a little bit thinner, the light in his eyes dimmed. She can't help herself anymore. She needs him.

Kate goes to him and wraps her arms around him tightly, ignores his wet clothes soaking into her skin, can't help but feel a sense of deja vu. She's done this before, showed up at his door soaking wet. Rick's arms envelope her without hesitation and he drops a kiss her head.

"Kate?" he whispers.

"I missed you too," she says into his neck, then pulls away to look him in the eye, and he sees it there before she even says the words. "I love you. We'll work on it."

His mouth crashes against hers and she feels like maybe she should push him off, slow things down, but her body has already made up its mind and is leading them towards the bedroom. They'll be okay.

* * *

><p><em>"<em>_I want you for worse or for better  
><em>_I would wait forever and ever  
><em>_Broke your heart, I'll put it back together  
><em>_I would wait forever and ever."  
><em>_Taylor Swift / How You Get The Girl_

* * *

><p><em>Ugh okay, I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while. College is rough. Like, really rough. This is short, but at least it's something. <em>

_I have a question. D__o you want to see a second part to this chapter? Them talking, them working on things? Yes, no? I kind of considered taking it and making it a full-fledged separate multichapter, but that's an intimidating task. Suggestions?_

_Oh, also for the person who wanted to see Kate joining Rick on his book tour and their relationship going public, I'm working on that for ya. :)_

_Also can we just take a moment to appreciate everything that is 1989 omg I'm seeing Taylor for a fourth time in October, so stoked for the 1989 tour I cannot even deal adkjfhjdks_


	8. make it to me

_This is a continuation of chapter seven._

* * *

><p><em>"<em>_So sick of this lonely air  
><em>_It seems such a waste of breath  
><em>_So much that I need to say  
><em>_So much to get off my chest…"_

* * *

><p>Kate wakes the next morning to the feel of fingertips running up and down her spine in a soothing rhythm that she didn't know she missed. She turns her head and finds Rick gazing at her and her stomach clenches. She missed him, she loves him, but she's so terribly afraid of giving him a second chance only for him to leave her again.<p>

"Hi," he greets when her eyes meet his, voice deliciously rough with sleep. His hand stills, palm splayed across her naked back. He leans forward and presses a kiss to her mouth, rolling out of bed. "Coffee?" he asks, already pulling on his boxers and making his way to her kitchen.

She rolls onto her back and lets out a slow breath. They really need to talk.

Ten minutes later, she's walking into her kitchen wearing shorts and a sweatshirt, thick socks protecting her feet from the cold floors of her apartment. Rick turns when he hears her footsteps, grinning as she walks towards him. He hands her a mug of coffee, but she's careful to avoid their fingers brushing.

"Thanks," she murmurs quietly.

"So, do you have the day off?" Kate nods, blowing softly on her steaming beverage. His smile grows, arms sliding around her waist. "We have a lot of catching up to do," he hints, nibbling at her neck. She puts a hand on his chest, gently pushing him away, ignores the way his mouth turns down.

"We do," she agrees, "But we need to talk."

"You're right," he tells her. "I'm going to get dressed first."

"Do you have other clothes?"

"Yeah, in my rental car."

"I'll get them for you," she says, "You're in your boxers."

Kate steps outside, shivering when the November air envelopes her. She grabs his bag, hurring back inside and handing it to him. He thanks her, taking it to his bedroom. She leans against the kitchen counter, waits for him to join her again. He emerges a minute later in sweatpants and a t-shirt, making his way to her. Rick prepares his own cup of coffee, following to join her on the couch.

He watches her, can see her mulling something over in her head, so he stays quiet, giving her the chance to figure things out. She meets his eyes, taking a breath.

"You want this?" she asks him. His brow furrows.

"What?" he asks, setting his mug down on the coffee table, staring at her. "I want this," he confirms, "I thought you knew that."

She laughs humorlessly, mimicking his actions and setting her mug down beside his.

"I thought you wanted it six months ago," she tells him honestly.

His face falls, shoulders slumping. He hates that he did this to her - made her so incredibly unsure of him, of _them_, and he wonders why he ever thought things would be easier if they weren't together.

"I did want it," he says, scooting closer to her on the sofa. She bites her lip, staring at her hands. "I told you, Kate, I made a mistake. I just- I thought with you moving to DC and working a federal job, we would never see each other. I told you that day in your apartment when I found your boarding pass - you get the job, that's pretty much the end of our relationship-"

"You didn't even give it a chance," she tells him, eyes striking his, because this is everything she's wanted to tell him for months. "You didn't give _me_ a chance. Do you honestly think I didn't consider our relationship when the job came up?"

"No, I didn't, because you _hid _it from me."

"I wanted to see what it had to offer. I was going to tell you, Rick, I was. Why _wouldn't_ I?"

He runs a hand through his hair, because she's right. She _is_. He gave up as soon as an obstacle crossed their path, scared by the prospect of competing with her job yet again.

"I'm so sorry," he finally says, watches her body slump back into the couch cushions with the words.

"I know you are," she replies.

"What do you need?" he asks after a moment.

"I need to know that you're in this, Rick. I need to know that you're not going to leave the second things get tough again."

"I'm not. I won't. I can't make you believe that with just my words, but I can show you. I'm here. I'm not leaving, not again."

She doesn't say anything, just looks at him with glistening eyes. Oh, Kate. He hates that he's the one who caused her tears.

He pulls her into his lap, has missed the way her body fits so perfectly against his. Her arms wrap around his torso, holding on tight.

"I love you," he says into her hair. She raises her head up, lips meeting his.

"Love you," she tells him softly. He wipes a stray tear away, arms tightening around her lithe form.

She finally feels at ease, trusts him when he tells her he's here for her, through the good and the bad. They have to figure out when they'll see each other, how exactly they'll make this work, but they will. They'll make it this time.

* * *

><p><em>"<em>_I'm waiting patiently, though time is moving slow  
>I have one vacancy and I wanted you to know that<br>you're the one designed for me."  
>Sam Smith  Make It To Me_

* * *

><p><em>Hey, guys! Sorry this took a little longer. Posted the last one right before Thanksgiving break and now I'm dealing with final exams. <em>

_Not sure if all of you are aware, but I have another ongoing story titled I've Told You Now. An AU take on Den of Thieves that I've decided to continue and make a multichapter. It'll be a pretty lengthy story I think. Check it out if you haven't!_

_Thank you for all of your support. I see all of your follows and favorites and reviews. They mean so much to me._


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